Review: "Where's My Money?" Riverfront Playhouse, Aurora, IL ends 9/18/10

A two items of business

1. I want to thank everyone who commented about my reviewing The Drowsy Chaperone.  Not that it was a contest, but the best and most accurate response was from Harmony, my daughter.  She nailed it.  I review everything I see.  Don't you?  I assume you make value judgments all day long about what you're seeing, reading, tasting, touching, listening to or experiencing in life.  If you're not, next time you go to a theatre, ask for the "zombie" discount.  The question really should have been, "Dare I post a review of a show that has family members in the cast?"  No need to send your thoughts.  I have answered that for myself.
2. During my research for this blog site, I discovered a valuable source of information:  greenroomonline.org.  The site divides Chicagoland into regions (North, Northwest, West, and I'm sure that South will be in there eventually if you ask nicely), and provides a list of theatres in those areas in an easy-to-navigate matrix.  You get the name, address, phone number, URL and various contact information for each theatre.  I've been involved in suburban theatre for a long time, and there are companies listed that I've never heard of, and I discovered there actually is theatre north of Irving Park Road!!!  Some of the listings include the theatres' current season or current show, with dates and times.  Some of the performance information has expired, but I think that's just a matter of the web mistress having the time to update, as well as having the information to work with and the interest from the public to drive the need.  The publicity people of theatre groups should keep this site on their radar and forward the most up-to-date information available.  The site is run by Jen Piory (you may know her on the NICOTH site as JenLCB (yes, her name is green, so she's either an administrator of NICOTH or eco-friendly...or both).  What I find most admirable is that she's financing this endeavor on her own from the proceeds she's made from selling Mary Kay cosmetics.  In an e-mail exchange she and I had after I told her how I was using the web site, she responded, "It's always gratifying to know that all the work I do is actually being used!! Kind of no point in doing it, otherwise. :) THANK YOU THANK YOU for letting me know!!! I am a Mary Kay consultant who loves theatre.  I never used to love wearing makeup onstage because it made my face break out, and now that I've found something that doesn't do that, I want to share it with the world!"  Bookmark her site.  I think you'll find it a great resource. Let her know if you find it useful.  And if you're having similar issues with make up, I'm sure she'd love to take the time to tell you of her discovery.

OK, time for the review...

I apologize to you, my faithful readers, and 12 devoted followers.  I saw this show 9/3.  Fourteen days ago.  And I have remained silent about it.  I have done you a disservice and ask for your forgiveness, because I should have warned you earlier.  However, the guy who does the "live" pre-show announcement said, “If you like the show, tell others.  And if you don’t like it, keep your mouth shut.”  I believe he looked at me specifically when he said the latter part, giving me the stink eye, and I have said nothing since, paralyzed by the fear of a cursed life and the uneasy feeling of emasculation.

OK, maybe not, but he actually did say it, but in jest, I think.  And do you actually think I would follow his instructions?  Really?  The truth is I didn't have anything to say except that the show is awful.  I mean bad awful.  However, this past weekend I saw three new productions, and found one among them that I think would be a great alternative to Riverfront's painful presentation.  More on that later in this posting.

Let’s start with the story of Where's My Money?  It was written by John Patrick Shanley.  He gave us the award winning movie Moonstruck and the award-winning play, Doubt.  He’s no hack.  But this play is all over the map trying to be perceptive, ingenious and witty about marriage specifically, and relationships in general.  What we actually get is a passel of what seems like his own personal vitriol that makes the characters unsympathetic, bitter, predictable and downright unlikable.  No new ground is explored, except for the occasional appearance of ghosts (representing emotional baggage that keeps returning no matter how much you want the airlines to lose it).  Shanley tries so hard to be acrid and clever with his dialog that his hollow characters become nothing more than mannequins upon which he can hang his weak comic couture.  The characters have no arc, and there's nothing compelling to watch.  The best line in the show is the one that is often quoted:  “Monogamy is like a 40 Watt bulb.  It works, but it’s not enough.”  Not bad, but now that you've read it, you've experienced the highlight of the play.  Save your money.

I know that a weak script is hard to direct.  It’s an arduous task trying to find ways of making crap seem interesting.  So I asked myself why they chose it in the first place.  I didn't see or feel any directorial effort put forth.  And the show had two directors.  Maybe they negated each other to a zero effect, like off-setting penalties in sports.



The show is made up of five two-person scenes, with a character from one scene going onto the next, except for the last scene, where the show becomes a big tangled mess of stupid.  It has the feel of a poor man's La Ronde, except for the ghostly apparitions bringing scenes to a close.  If there was movement, it was circular and repetitive and not motivated by what was being said.  If the directors were going for the visual effect of individuals circling their prey before verbally abusing them with humiliation and hatred...they failed.  Although that would have made for some interesting stage tableaus and given it some depth.

As for the actors, it was obvious they had no confidence in their lines or the script, and were given little direction.  For example, one of the directors should have told the young lady in the first scene that the limp she chose was so big, she could have been a member of the Ministry of Silly Walks.  Honestly, she circled the stage like a giraffe with hip dysplasia.  It went beyond funny or meaningful in the situation and edged into the land of buffoonery.  Her partner in the scene kept crossing and uncrossing her legs...and I don’t think it was conscious.  Deliver a line,  cross your legs.  Deliver a line, uncross your legs.  Deliver a line, then cross, then line, then uncross, ad infinitum.  She forced the bitter sarcasm, acoustically putting it in finger quote marks so that we, the audience, “got it”.  It made me shudder.  Oh, then the zombie/ghost/emotional baggage apparition arrived and the scene ended.  He nailed his titular line.

The next scene was Sharon Stone from scene one and her husband.  He was the closest to being a real character and showng some acting chops.  But it was a long scene headed to nowhere.  They circled each other physically and verbally and heaped incendiary insults upon each other and acted generally morose.  Then they made up, or stopped shouting, and then zombie boy showed up again to close out the scene.  There is a spooky sound effect when he appears.  Oooooo!

Then there's an unneeded intermission (the show itself runs 87 minutes...it’s a one act stretched out because...what, we have small bladders?)  Then scene three is hubby from scene two and his boss and both are divorce lawyers.  Boss has a disturbingly bleak outlook on life and marriage and relationships and rambles on and on about it to the point where you want to shoot him or yourself to put you out of his misery.  Now that I reread my last sentence, the end of that scene takes on a better meaning.

That’s enough.  Really.  Why go on.  The acting was bad to average, the script stinks and there’s nothing likable to even care about the show.  But that’s just my opinion.

If you're interested in seeing it (it ends tomorrow), go here and get the information.   But what you really should do is get a ticket to see The Curate Shakespeare - As You Like It at Geneva Underground Playhouse.  I saw it last weekend and I liked it.  The review is on it’s way, but I thought I’d give you a heads up.  I also saw Into The Woods by Theatre Nebula at Cutting Hall in Palatine (see...north of Irving) and The Desk Set at Albright Theatre in Batavia.  The former is pretty good if you’re willing to suffer through a husband and wife team who were inexplicably given the lead roles.  The supporting cast is wonderful.  The Albright production was a tad weak, but is certainly a better offering than Where’s My Money?.  How's this for symmetry:  you could go to Jen Piory's Green Room Online web site and find the links to those theatres for more information.  My suggestion: spend your cash on the Geneva production.  Better show, better comedy, better acting and nice direction.

So, was the Riverfront Playhouse production worth the price of admission?  Not at all.

Paid: $15

Run time: 1 hour, 49 minutes with an unnecessary 15-minute intermission...unless you have a small bladder or a small attention...look, a squirrel!!!